As I sit here today, preparing to write another blog post, I feel a bit…well, I’m not really sure what I am feeling. I re-read some of my previous posts and I’m just not sure what I want to share with others. Cognitively, I know writing is like that…there is a tendency to let our heads get in the way and not let the words just flow. A deep part of me, though, fears the inability to come up with new things to write. A deep part of me doubts I can keep this blog going, for a couple of reasons. The first, and greatest, doubt is “Who cares?” Really, who cares what I have to say? Do I even care sometimes? Who wants to read about my life experiences in the athletic world? “Who cares?”
A second reason is not knowing what to write about next. I know there is an over abundance of ideas, but just because I know it doesn’t mean I believe it all the time. Some days, I avoid opening up Microsoft Word because I just can’t imagine that I have anything good to say on those days.
There exists this crazy balance of two things that affect my writing. I love to write. I love the satisfaction that comes with pulling information together and presenting that information in a coherent, well-laid-out written piece. I enjoy sharing my experience with others through the written word because writing is how I feel I best express myself. Feedback from others tells me I write well…I enjoy knowing that, too. On the other hand, I loathe writing. I hate the initial stages of it, the part where I feel as though I have to fight to come up with anything to write about. Actually, it is not hate or loathing. It is fear. I fear what people might think. I fear that no one will care to read what I have to write. I fear myself. I fear I am incapable and am unable. I fear I don’t have what it takes.
Fear has stopped me in the past. I don’t want to let it stop me again. That is actually part of the reason for even writing this post. If I write about it and acknowledge it is there, I will be better prepared to deal with it and not let it control me. And, maybe, just maybe, I will continue to follow through with writing, writing despite the fear, writing whether anyone else but me ever reads what write, writing for the sake of writing, writing for my own self-development and growth. The fear is still there, but I am writing anyway. The fear is there, but I will continue writing. The fear is there, but I am becoming an athlete. The fear is there, but I will continue my journey improving as an athlete. The fear is there, but I will continue pursuing my dreams and my passions. The fear is there, but I will continue developing my self, growing my self. In the words of Susan Jeffers (1988), “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.”
I know I am not alone in feeling fear, but sometimes it sure seems like it. How do you deal with fear? Do you feel the fear and do what it is you fear anyway? Do you let fear stop you? I welcome your comments on this, not about the fear I feel and how I should deal with it, but about the fear you feel and what you do with it.